Birthdays.

Birthdays are a tricky thing. They are a marker of time; and as such, have a sense of build-up or commemoration regardless of intention. In the best cases (when we are young and totally self-centered), it can be full of excitement and anticipation, presents and possibilities galore. On the other hand (and possibly moreso when we get older), this marker of time can sometimes be a foreboding presence of what we don't have, what we haven't yet achieved, and what we didn't get done in the last year. You both feel the want to celebrate and be seen, and at the same time, for it to pass totally unnoticed.

For my birthday this year, I experienced all of those emotions. Yes, the excitement of having a celebration coming up, but also a focus on what I don't yet have. All the things I'm not, that I may have thought or expected to be by this point. I don't have everything that I want; there are holes and gaps that aren't filled, some very much larger than others... and one can get lost in that train of thought and sucked into the rabbit hole if you let it take over...

But this year - I was surprised. More specifically, my friends surprised me. I had intended to meet up with a few - and despite heavy rains and re-routed plans, I walked around the corner at Kardinall Hall to see that the few was actually many. Many that coordinated weeks in advance to make my birthday special. I could not be more touched or feel more grateful.

So while I don't have everything (which we all need to realize is impossible), I do have a lot. Many things to be thankful for, and most importantly, I have friends and family that love and care for me, and who I love deeply in return. Because of these people, I feel known, seen, valued, and worthy - I feel that I matter. And that is what I try to recognize and be grateful for each and every day.

Facebook has become a tremendous aspect of birthdays. One can literally see the love (and feel it) with the amount of messages friends and acquaintances might leave on your timeline. It's crazy (and wonderful), how taking a quick minute out of your day to write that post, can help brighten another's birthday and make them feel special. Yes, these "friends" might not be people you see all the time, or know you the best, but at one point in life they were a piece of yours. And I see that message as a little way to acknowledge that shared time, that shared humanity of wanting to be celebrated and seen, to be known in some way, and in that way, to have mattered.

The darkness has a way of letting it's presence be known, almost as a net, always there in waiting to hold you if you let it. So, I look for the light in life, and that seems to pay off ever more frequently the older I get. In approaching life that way, attempting to embrace gratitude and humility, I hope to help spread that light to others.

Here's looking at you 36 - I'm ready for the ride, carrying with me good energy and positive vibes. Let's do this.